Friday, July 20, 2012

Overwhelming at times....

Basically everything lately.  Yes, everything.  I'm being THAT dramatic.  There seems like so many things going on at the moment, from the obviously big (and getting bigger each day) to the small, tedious things in life (Lloyd will just not poop when I want him to!).  I've been facing an internal battle with what's most important, what should I be focused on, what I should be doing each day.  And it's weighing heavy.  I know, know, I have such a hard life. 

Here's where I am going to start with my feelings (because MAYBE two people will read this and I love you both): I feel so lucky that I'm petrified.  Every day, I am in a constant state of panic waiting for the universe to correct itself and put me back in my place, as a person that doesn't deserve the life I have been given currently.  I am so lucky to have Mike (which I tell him daily, he's exhausted with being so loved, I'm like Christian Grey, yeesh), so lucky to have a job that I don't mind going to (I can't say I love it, but it's fine and being paid is great!), and so lucky that we are having a baby together and growing our family.  We love Lloyd and Milton, but let's be honest, this ins't the same thing.  I have waited my whole life to make a family, and somehow it is happening/has happened.  And I'm convinced that I don't deserve this kind of greatness from God, he's been REALLY good to me lately, and it's unnerving.  So I take it out on Iris and myself by panicking that something will happen, something is going to go wrong.  Which isn't likely, I know rationally, but I sit and wait.  I have read that this kind of worry can be normal for first pregnancies, the excitement of wanting a baby with not knowing how it all works exactly, makes you crazy with every cramp, movement, ache.  So I try to get a grip and remember all of that, but that's where I'm at, in a constant state of panic that I am going to make a mess of growing our beautiful girl somehow. 

Next.  I'm a planner.  Not new news.  And with the new addition comes  A LOT of new and different things.  So I'm knee deep in pieces of paper, books, magazines, websites all siting what you "need" for baby, how you should be preparing, what you should/shouln't be doing/eating/thinking/breathing.  My brain hurts.  All the while, my lovely Husband is checking the sports scores and making the dog crazy.  I feel like there's no way we can be prepared for her arrival, especial now that I'm 23 weeks pregnant and we don't have her room completely finished (we actually haven't even started, but if it were up to me, we'd be done...).  Realistically, we aren't going to be prepared.  Even when we have the room set-up, the classes completed, the frozen dinners made (yeah, I'm that person, I don't have family to help), we aren't going to be prepared.  We can't possibly be, this is something totally new and life-changing.  Even for the most-prepped couples, there is no way you're ever fully prepared, until the little sucker arrives and you're stuck with him/her forever (I mean that in the nicest way possible).  And man is that overwhelming at the best of times.  Important question: how do you actually come up with a playlist that you want to hear during labor?!  I've read through the lists and suggestion, and honestly, none of it is noise that will make this whole thing less horrifying and less painful.  Just sayin'.

And then there's the rest of the world.  Didn't think I remembered that was still out there, right?!  This year is amazing for my friends and family, everyone's doing big things (whoop whoop), having babies, buying houses, getting married, you name it, someone is doing it.  Not to mention I still have to be a wife and friend, as well as a person that pays bills (boo).  So many things to celebrate, travel for, remember, and accomplish.  Things are easing up a bit for Mike and I now that we're starting to get settled here, but there's still so many things floating around out there.  I've become a sticky-note and list freak, even by my standards.  So many great things, so little time!

So, I'm done venting about my really nice life.  I know, feel sorry for me.  But really, I need to write this crap down so that I don't have to fill Mike's brain with all this mush, he doesn't need to listen to this kind of dribble.  I'm so happy I'm scared.  It doesn't make sense, I know.  Just bear with me and I'm sure I'll get it together eventually, or maybe not.  Stay tuned.  And thanks for listening :-)

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

The Past Month....

....has basically been a blur!  Since the move, I had a quick weekend visit to Mike in St. Louis, while he was attending a training class, and then he came home and we started settling in to our new home in Nashville. 

We're enjoying Nashville so far and have been busy just getting adjusted.  With two new jobs, an ever-present bump making her presence known, and the ridiculously hot weather, things seem to be moving REALLY quickly this summer/year!  Mike is enjoying his new job so far, though he is ready for the hotel to be open for business, which is now planned for the beginning of August.  I'm settling in to my third week of work at the Hotel Indigo Downtown Nashville and really like it so far.  It's a really cool building, located just a few blocks from Broadway (country music heaven) and Printer's Alley (blues music heaven), and "boasts" the largest Starbucks in the United States-it even has an art gallery!  Hopefully things will go well here and they'll take me back after maternity leave, but that's a discussion for another day.  Oh, and we bought a grill!!!!  So exciting!  And new living room furniture, no more pet-eaten furniture for us (at least not for a few months, hopefully!). 

Hotel Indigo Downtown Nashville at night

Other than work, we enjoyed a nice July 4th with Mike Dad, Step-mom and sister, Mary.  We also had an early birthday celebration for Mike this past weekend, as his birthday is on Thursday and we'll be in Vincennes this coming weekend.  We enjoyed a yummy dinner and drinks out, exploring Franklin, our nearby historic town-so cute! Mike's birthday cake this year was a Lemon-Blueberry, Lemon-Raspberry Cake (two layers of blueberry, one raspberry) with a Zesty Lemon Frosting, stolen from Pinterest and modified slightly.  Super tasty stuff, and a really nice summer cake option (I wasn't sure about lemon, it was Mike's request, but it's good!)!

We're ready for a fun weekend in Indiana this weekend, after a quick visit with my Daddy tonight (he's in Nashville for work) and Mike's birthday tomorrow! 

Here are some pictures, I've been slacking on taking pictures AND blogging, what can I say?!

18 Weeks

20 Weeks
Beer at Puckett's (Mike's, not mine!)

Lloyd after the vet!

Lemon-Blueberry, Lemon-Raspberry Cake with Zesty Lemon Frosting!
Not sure if we've let our excitement out enough yet, but at 22 weeks we are REALLY, REALLY excited about our little Girl Mahoney on the way!!!!!  Only right that I get payback for what I did to my parents growing up, right?! ;-) 

So much to be excited and thankful for lately! :-)